A door shuts.
She walks up.
No big deal.
The temperature is nice, but it holds no entendre.
Shuffling towards one another, precarious bags in hand.
The last time.
The only time.
The most important thing to remember.
Scanning the horizon for a comet; hoping, praying that this moment you share is eternity.
What was it like again?
The empty promises.
5 years of love.
We maligned each other, both, but what of it now?
It is really unimportant, because we are a single subject.
Experiences are better when they are experienced with a loved one, but I doubt it counts when leaving relations.
Hint of depravity; a social entity with no other facet.
Black and white; straight-line logic.
Weed out the grey-
This is the only way.
What happens today, happens.
Haven’t checked the planner in weeks, time keeps moving on and no one notices.
What we feel:
You envision what might happen, but after that moment there is nothing.
Left with just that.
-Just that and a thought-
Rigidly stuck to a plan, over and out.
We talk, yeah…
10-4, over and out.
We used to touch, take in, and cop feels.
Now that is in a field, buried under years of dust, dirt, and debris.
All that lot of what doesn’t really change or affect, the change in effect.
Effective, but… f u c k it.
All that confidence for nothing, this can’t be trained.
An Eternal embrace, and then its over.
A car rolls out, and away in the distance.
You are in a car of your own but its crashing. That car is your mental status.
You stand, taking in the sound, sight, and smell of things.
Hold your breath in deep, sigh, its a nice night anyway.
The sun may look beautiful, the sky may be a brilliant blue. Evening. Clouds, many colors of the spectrum float above an all important sinking orb.
It has no meaning to you.
It has no meaning to you.
You think of one thing.
We may not be this close again.
Distant, like traveling abroad, but there is a line.
Still, the line is drawn.
Nothing could make it better.
You can’t fix the best.
-Winning the lottery, even success-
Nothing is better.
The loss is deeper than either.
You were a king, looking over your land-missing all the wonderful assets that rested just below your perch.
Laughing, you drank and disparaged your own, only to be lost and alone without them.
Criticizing the smallest flaw, but praying for its return after being bettered for aesthetics.
The insignificance of normalcy; detailed happenings that will play out, over and over again in your head.
As a pall-bearer walking toward stones, as the last conversation unfolds. There will be a taste in your mouth. That is when you will know something is happening.
In the pit of your stomach.
Now you understand.
On the verge of vomit.
The traces of trash, and ash, of self you left strewn about the room.
Just things you don’t forget.
Tears stop, and after, your grace is replaced by a void.
Shadows that were, will hang at dusk and exist at sunrise as you were.
Sitting there, reminding you, waiting.
Lights-out will be a solemn and silent affair when it is realized that you are not there.
The walks we took, it is just me.
The places we would frequent, it is just me.
The movies, the books, and the lakes we sat, now, truly, it is just me.
So far from home, but you are at yours.
Eyes-look at the eyes.
Hard to focus on the details again.
Squinting-shaking, failed attempt at holding it together.
Deep breaths again, wishing for pure-raw yet tamed emotion.
Animal instincts, but animals don’t shed tears.
Green eyes, lit brilliantly with curiosity and surprise outlined with a fine dark pencil.
Clear and honest inside.
Waitress-”You are who you are.”
Something you don’t see regularly.
And it is goodbye.
Like I will be right back.
Like see you later.
Abduction in the early 90′s.
Lay together in the sack.
What we had, be happy for.
At times forget.
Everyone tells you things are better off.
But you can’t forget.
Everyone doesn’t deal with this daily.
Time flies when you are having fun, but the clock doesn’t run when what we had is done.
Solitude, solid chair, Big Ter, fixated, and agitated.
Excited, every minute.
Closer to the inevitable.
I hope we don’t die, never to meet again.
I have done nothing like this before.
They call, they say they miss what we had.
Its different, as much as we don’t want to realize.
The change is noticed and what is noted most is melancholy.
The phone keeps ringing.
Fit for folly.
Smile, ride out on the punch line.
Nothing to smile about, apparently, close to a breakdown.
A smile is a frown if it is practiced.
Watching movies on the couch, playing solitaire in thought.
We used to lie together, love, fight, discuss, and borrow each other to never give back.
But you do take that with you when you leave.
But what you got might make you sore.
Even remembering as you walk through the grocery store, like she was right here, recently.
Chores to keep eating.
No longer yours.
Might make it hard to swallow.
Might make the memories flood in.
New friends, new times, new experiences, but what about us?
The end is like the beginning; like before we didn’t meet, like after we don’t meet again.
What is to miss if it didn’t exist?
And I miss this moment, and the next, and the next, and the next….
And I remember the color of the car driving out and away with you in it. I could smell fall coming as the wind blew against my face. I knew I was in for a cold winter. I thought…